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Mirror Mirror on the Wall October 9, 2010

Filed under: Body Image — gohopchick @ 12:57 pm

Here’s a skit I wrote for a body image workshop…

Mirror Mirror on the Wall

(2 women face each other, one holding a picture frame in front of her.  The other is wearing black)

Girl:               Mirror mirror on the wall, who’s the fairest of them all?

Mirror:             Why, Drew Barrymore, of course!  Especially since she lost those last ten pounds for the Cover Girl ads.  She’d certainly been packing that load around quite long enough!  But, she made it happen, and now look at her!  Who knew that the little cutie with pigtails from ET would grow up to be such a looker?

Girl:                 Sorry I asked.  So, how are things looking today? (poses in front of mirror)

Mirror:             Look honey, I’m going to be perfectly honest with you.  I’m not going to lie to you like that rearview mirror in your car that you use, you know, the one where you position your face low enough to hide those chipmunk cheeks, and think about how skinny your temples are?  Nice eyes!  You think men are looking at your eyes when they talk to you? (snort) Not bloody likely!

Oh, waitaminit!  You put dressing right on your salad last night, didn’t you?  Instead of dipping your fork in it before each bite, like they told you on the Dr. Oz show.  You’re lumpier.  Definitely lumpier, in fact, I see a whole new roll developing, and baby, I’m not talking about photography here!  How many times do I have to tell you?  Dip, don’t pour!  A minute on the lips, a lifetime on the hips.

Now, spin around, and give me the side profile. (woman turn)  Oh, ouch!  Let’s not and say we did. I don’t know where you inherited that backside from, maybe Tim Hortons was a distant relative.  You’ve definitely got lots of junk in the trunk – well, forget trunk, you’ve got a whole Chevy Cavalier goin’ on back there!

All right, face me again.  Let’s have another look at you.  Well, I’m sorry to say, honey, that gravity has gotten the better of you.  You are definitely in need of a little more support!  But we’ve got a little quandary here.  Not sure if we want to lift and separate – you might knock somebody out with those babies.  Maybe we should just strap you down with a good minimizing sports bra.

Now chin up, sweetheart. (reaches out to lift chin, but mirror frame begins to tip)  Here, hold this (woman holds up one side of the frame while mirror examines her face, slowly turning it from side to side).  We only want to see one of them, chins I mean.   Let’s see.  Yup.  Jowly.  You’re definitely getting jowly.  You know, like those wrinkly bull dogs, but without the cute and fuzzy factor.  Can you suck in those cheeks a bit?  Good thing you’ve got decent hair – you’ve got to have something going for you. (mirror holds on to frame with both hands again)

All I can say is, thank God you’re wearing black!  Could you imagine if you were wearing a floral print?  You’d look like a couch!  Black is the way to go – it’s very slimming, you know, and believe you me, you need all the help you can get!  There you go.  The whole truth, and nothing but the truth.  Honesty is the best policy, in my opinion!

Woman:        (sighs).  Thanks, I guess.  (and dejectedly walks away)

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