Recovery from Food Insanity

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Morning Prayer for Peace August 10, 2010

Filed under: prayer and meditation — gohopchick @ 1:28 pm

“In the quiet of the morning hour I come to you for peace.

Give me the power to view the world today through love-filled eyes.

Help me be patient, gentle, wise;

To see beyond what seems to be;

O clothe me in your beauty, this I pray –

Give me the grace to do your will today.”

~ Lifeline Sampler p. 59

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It Ain’t Rocket Science August 9, 2010

Filed under: prayer and meditation — gohopchick @ 2:23 pm

How is it that we always over complicate things?  I was angsting in my prayer and meditation time yesterday morning.  Fretting and fussing about my marriage.  Feeling overwhelmed by the complexities, and not able to see next steps.  Finally, I gave up in frustration (prayer, not being married) and took a day in town just for a change of scenery.

I stopped by a little church and participated in their Sunday service.  When I arrived, I was told was a children’s service, not their usual Sunday morning offering.  I nearly turned around to find some more sophisticated spiritual expression, but figured, what the heck?  Maybe God was talking to me about simplicity.  We grooved to some rockin’ kids tunes, wrote our worries on little whiffle balls and fired them out of the front door of the church (cool!).  “Marriage”, I wrote on my ball and hoped it wouldn’t get squished by cars on the highway outside (a bad omen!).  A handmade and somewhat wibbly poster on the front of the church proclaimed the virtues of “patience, kindness, gentleness, faithfulness, self control.”

After the service, I meandered along the main street of town.  A sandwich board sign in front of a New Age Bookstore read “Personality differences gives you the opportunity to be kind.”  There it was again.  Kindness.  Be kind.


Refreshed by my outing, I came home to find Kirk puttering happily in the workroom, Motown crooners serenading him.  He came out to greet me.

Be kind. I gave him a hug and rubbed the back of his neck where he was sunburned and itchy.

Later we chatted over dinner and played with the birds.  Every time I looked at him or talked to him, the quiet voice inside reminded me.  Be kind.

I don’t have to figure things out.  I don’t have to fix things.  It doesn’t have to be complicated.  Doesn’t have to be rocket science.

Be kind. I can do that.

 

My Parrot is Not a Compusive Overeater August 3, 2010

Filed under: prayer and meditation — gohopchick @ 4:27 pm

But he does love grapes.  As I stick one through the bars of his cage, he stretches his neck, clicks his gratitude  and gently grabs it, his black tongue encircling the treat.  He eats it from the inside out, piercing it with his top mandible and slurping out all the grape’s juicy goodness.  I give him another, but at the third one, he balks, backing up on his perch and baring his beak at me.  “No thank you”, in parroteese.

I wedge the grape between the cage bars and there it waits until Bert is hungry again.

And I marvel at his ability to say no.

If I were a parrot I would likely keep on eating as long as my parrot mommy kept on giving.  As it is, whatever ends up on my plate is mineminemine.  Stop before it’s all gone?  Unthinkable?

Except that I’m trying to learn to listen to hunger and fullness cues.  Hunger is much easier.  A dip in energy, the gurgle and growl of my stomach.  But fullness?  Fullness happens when the plate is empty, right?

My sponsor said that she knew she had enough when the food didn’t taste as good as it did when she started the meal.  You mean I have to pay attention to taste?  Holy cow – eating non compulsively is a lot of work!  I actually have to pay attention.

One of the authors I’m reading says that it is not paying attention that feeds the compulsion, the aching emptyness.  Just skimming through life rather than fully entering in to each moment.  Instead, show up – really show up, and give my full attention to the food in front of me, to the people in my path, or even to my parrot for that matter.

Done with his lunch, Bert cleans off his beak, scraping it against the side of his perch.  Then he begins to preen, delicately mouthing each feather, fluffing it, putting it in it’s place.  I think I’ll go stare at my bird for a while, give him my full attention, and see if that diminishes the compulsive itch.

 

Restless, Irritable and Discontent August 2, 2010

Filed under: prayer and meditation — gohopchick @ 4:33 pm

Three days into the cottage and I’m bored and depressed.

Sigh – don’tcha just love being an addict?

Ten hours of sleep, deep and dream filled.

Waking up to beautiful surroundings.  Water lapping the rocks below.  Sitting in the sun room, surrounded by a wall of evergreens.  Breezes whispering across the lake.  Birds (our inside ones) cheeping happily in their cages as they gleefully shred strips of birch bark – a cottage treat.  Kirk humming in the kitchen behind me as he putters and clatters pans.

Absorbed all morning in a novel, I have swum to the surface and begin to think about the rest of my day.  It stretches before me, lazy and languid and hypothetically full of possibility.

And all I can think of is – how soon till I’m hungry again and can enjoy my next meal?

I think that one of my biggest problems is that I don’t know how to live in and enjoy the peaceful moments, at least with any consistency.  I’m happy when I’m busy and involved in some task or project – but give me free space and time and I flounder.  It feels like empty time is to be endured, not enjoyed.  I’m clenched on the inside.

At times like this I reach into my arsenal and pull out a mantra, or what the monks of old used to call “breathing prayers.”  Something true and gentle to divert my thoughts and speak to my spirit.  Today’s is “God is near and all is well.” I think I’ll go pray it 500 times, and see if I can unclench some and settle into the moment – or at least not run screaming to the fridge or to the nearest town.

 

 
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